Losing my Game of Thrones V-Card: An Interview With Myself

April is upon us, b. Which means You’ll/I’ll be reading A Game of Thrones for the First Time.

Why Are You Doing This?

Mostly for the love of the game of baseball. But also Leia [Name Redacted] threatened my life.

How do You Plan to Survive?

My expectations re: survival are low. But if I do, it will be because I have a lot of free time for reading and very little desire to die. I have a strict reading regiment planned out, and I’m using a high school reading template I found on google images to keep track of my thoughts and responses.

High School? Aren’t You Better Than That?

Uh, no. I’m not. Well, I mean, maybe. But this is a first read-thru. I’m here to experience and share. It’s bad enough that my co-workers all have stars in their eyes about this series, I don’t need to try and grapple with complex philosophical questions regarding these awful fictional humans.

So What Happens When you HAVE Complex Philosophical Questions?

I dunno. Adopt some wolves? Shove a kid out a window? Make out with a sibling or murder a friend? I learn by example.

Hey. Those Are Pretty Specific Examples Of Things That Happen In The Book. Are You SURE You Haven’t Read This Before?

Yes. I watched the first season of the show because I was promised boobs and dragons, but I don’t like anyone except Dany and there isn’t nearly enough dragon action going on to keep me watching the show. So I dropped it. But like I said–everyone’s got stars in their eyes for this noise, so I’m being strong-armed into reading the first book.

Do You Expect Your Feelings to Change After Reading the Book?

No. Probably not. The characters kind of piss me off and there’s no costume design in books. Also there’s no fold-out of Jason Momoa. I know my priorities.

So Like Are Your Reviews Going to Be Spoiler Free?

hecka no. But I’ll try to keep spoilers under the cut.

Will Jen finish the book? Will she enjoy herself? Where will she land on the never-ending Catelyn debate? And where will her allegiance lie?

Tune in every Tuesday to find the answers to these and many more questions.

Jen Schiller
Staff Writer
@jenisaur