The Booth Beefcake Can Stay

(Please note: this blog is actually from an alternate universe created when Gail Simone speculated on how comics would be different if Stan Lee had been a woman.  IHO Geek’s New Age Amazon has used her powers to copy and paste this from the AU version of our site.  The images, however, are all her own.  She regrets nothing.)

Okay, okay, you can stop the hatemail.

Not because I’m going to change my mind on this, far from it.  But because all you’re doing is making yourself look stupid, boys.

You have to accept that you are in the minority here.  Comics are a girl’s world and we’re not going to change just because you start bellowing about “equality.”  You know what there’s no equality?  Because comics aren’t for boys.  They are for girls and so that is the audience the writers and artists will attempt to appeal to.

And so, that’s why I’m calling for fewer Fake Geek Guys and more Booth Beefcakes.

I am sick and tired of running into guys at cons who can’t name four Green Lanterns (cheat sheet, fellas: Halle Jordan, Gail Gardner, Joan Stewart, Kylie Rayner).  It’s obvious you’re only at the con to pick up geek girls and ruin our good time.  That was bad enough, but now you actually have comics PANDERING to you, with Brianna Wood being FORCED to write an All-Male X-Women team.  I mean, a fantastic writer reduced to a marketing stunt just to sell you comics?  Ugh.  THANKS, GUYS.

As if that’s not enough, you have issues with Booth Beefcakes.  I’m sorry, the cons aren’t FOR you.  They’re for REAL comic fans who understand that this is just the way comics ARE.  Look, you guys have Dale Simone to write your Batboy books, aren’t you happy, yet?

Anyway, Booth Beefcakes are totally compliments.  We LIKE attractive looking guys, why shouldn’t we be able to oogle them just because it makes you uncomfortable?  If you’re uncomfortable, DON’T COME TO THE CON.  Trust me, you won’t be missed.  One less fake-glasses-wearing dude who only knows Iron Woman because Sandra Bullock played her in a movie or Batgirl because of Anne Hathaway’s take on the role.  Seriously? Sick of it.

At least the Booth Beefcakes generally know things about the characters they dress up as.  And even if they don’t, who cares?  I mean, my ONLY issue with them is how pissy some of them get when you grab their asses.  Hey, honey, don’t leave it hanging out there if you don’t want attention.  You dress like that, you’re gonna get touched and you should expect it.

So go ahead and whine about how Wonder Man hasn’t gotten a movie yet (because nobody wants to see movies about SUPERHEROES, okay?  Nobody CARES) or bastarding on about how Starfire is drawn in his book.  This isn’t your culture, it is ours and you’re welcome to deal with it or get the hell out.

The Beefcakes, however, can stay.

–Ashly is a dimension hopping mutant who constantly hopes that the next leap will be her leap home.  She can be found on twitter @newageamazon