Clara Oswin: Dealing With Friends Suffering From New Companion Traumaitis

So,  fellow Who watchers, the mysterious Clara/Oswin/Oswald (like a sandwich in any particular order) is going to have her first actual episode in exactly two weeks launching the bombastic second half to Doctor Who’s Series 7. She’s yet another “impossible” Moffat girl who notably has somehow hacked into hive mind entities twice for the Doctor before dying. And yet she keeps coming back like a snarky Lazarus, perfect for Lent! Intriguing? Yes. Many people are excited. Others intrigued. There have been noticeable parallels to River Song some think are intentional. Rabid fan theories are abound that she’s their daughter (squickyyy you don’t kiss dad, though you shouldn’t kiss your mother-in-law either). Others like myself theorize she is related to the Great Intelligence and the “lost” memories of the in real life destroyed Second series footage, all adventures the Doctor seems to have forgotten himself (perhaps a side effect of literally erasing himself from the Universe as well). Whatever the case; she is Clara. She seems cute and intriguing, she’s gonna either help the Doctor get over his loss of the Ponds or her true nature is revealed to lead him to the fields of Trenzalore and kills him horribly and he regenerates into Twelve and silence falls (because let’s face it the Silence are not scared of Eleven, they are scared of the Fall of The Eleventh and thus the coming of Twelve, Twelve is going to be a doozy) and whatever let’s see what happens right? Everything peachy?

YOU’RE WRONG!!!!!!!

At least for my regular partner in crime at Team Rocket, Jen (your fellow ihogeek scribe Jenisaur), Clara has a terrible, horrible, awful fault that makes everything well, awful: She is not Amy Pond. She is not Amy. Thus she must die.

Now, this averse reaction; hackles raised, new companions condemned to expletives and eye rolling, calling out for former companions. Possible death threats (okay literal death threats) are all symptoms of a horrible condition; new companion traumaitis and our dear friend Jen is prone to this condition.

Insert naughty ” I got yo man River what you gonna do tell ur mum hehehe” type joke here. Whoops.

Jen in particular  theorizes that had it not been for a huge outbreak of new companion traumaitis among fans after the loss of Rose and the appointment of Martha, Martha herself would probably be much more popular had she arrived following different circumstances. This terrible condition is contagious, and at times extremely chronic. I say chronic because in the case study of Jen, I can firsthand attest that Jen after the loss of Donna, Rose AND David did the same thing to Karen Gillan’s Amy Pond and Matt Smith that she is now doing to Clara. I recall specifically showing her the first published image of Matt and Karen on set for The Time of Angels, before the costume department stuck Amy in a Little Red Riding Hood red sweatshirt and instead had her decked in very Wendy Darling robin-egg blue.

The offending image of past years’ ire.

The expletives, the condemnation. I remember it well. She called Matt a hipster baby and as Amy Pond herself would demand, said his bowtie was ridiculous and must go. I defended his bowtie since I dressed and still sort of dress like that myself. I thought Karen was pretty. Jen, Jen wouldn’t have it. It was basically “WHO ARE THESE GIRAFFE HIPSTER BITCHES AND WHY ISN’T SHE ROSE OH GOD DONNA OH NO TEN NO NO NO WHY IS HE NINE YEARS OLD GET OUT MOON FACED GINGER BITCH AND BOWTIE BOY BYE ” except in much less nicer terms as I am no doubt paraphrasing and being much more kind. Safe to say she didn’t watch Series 5 for a whole year.
But then well, she watched it. And it wasn’t until Amy’s Choice that Amy won her over when it became clear she wasn’t another Rose and new companion traumaitis dissipated. And now she is clawing for Amy to come back. Quote:

I hate Clara probably more than I hated Amy when she first showed up in her stupid fucking blue sweatshirt and tights like she was god’s gift to hipsters.which she is but that’s not the goddamn point. I hate clara so much I wish she would choke on her souffle.

just. shut. up. max. just. do. it. now.

Does your loved one suffer from new companion traumaitis? Please readers, share either your or loved ones nct stories of struggle and survival with us if you or a loved one has been affected by nct in the past or are struggling through it now.

May you all have a wonderful week, and above all, stay strong.

Max Eber
Staff Writer/The Doctor
max@ihogeek.com
Twitter: @maxlikescomics