Ka is a wheel, though not necessarily one that rolls.

This picture is too literal, I can't stand it.

If you ever wondered what a heart sounds like when it breaks, I suggest you get in a time machine and stop by my calculus class this morning. While my professor yammered on about nonsense, I flittered around IMDB as usual and was greeted by the worst possible news in…well a very long time: Universal Studios announced it was passing on the The Dark Tower- the movies, the series, and even the eventual poster that would have hung in my room.

In all honesty, their decision wasn’t all that surprising. Universal hasn’t been doing well and this was going to be a major undertaking. Filming had been pushed back several times as budgets were cut and workers put on hiatus. Apparently, the suits read the first movie script by Akiva Goldman(Fringe, I Am Legend, The Da Vinci Code) as well as the first arc of the TV series and would only commit to the first film. Since the series (due to be broadcasted on NBC) was to be filmed simultaneously with the first movie since, you know, the sets were ALREADY there- this pissed a lot of film’s team off.

Both the studio and filmmakers have yet to comment on the decision, but it doesn’t take an insider to guess that it was all about money. Universal has some big projects coming up, including 47 Ronin with Keanu and some snow white movie with Kristin ”slightly autistic” Stewart, and Battleship. None of which I could give a fuck about at this point.

The sad thing is, The Dark Tower seems like a whole lot more of a sure thing and wouldn’t even need to be roofied to be a big score. Using me as a test audience: the only thing I love more than Dark Tower is probably Harry Potter, and I’ve already seen that twice, soon to be thrice. I know not everyone is as crazy(read: awesome) as me, but I can’t see any way this series isn’t a guaranteed moneymaker, which is probably why my immediate and intense descent into depression was a bit of an overreaction. Dark Tower will get picked up sometime, somewhere-if not as a movie than certainly as a series, which I would have preferred anyway. Look at how spectacular Game of Thrones and True Blood turned out. There is a market for fantasy in the more mainstream outlets (though if DT ended up a SyFy series, that’d be A-Okay with me).

            So let’s all just sit back, twiddle our thumbs and wait for the new Dark Tower book until this mess is sorted out. I may even mosey on down to Turtle Bay to where The Rose is supposed to be growing and send some positive thoughts(if you’re in the New York area, do the same).  I mean, I may not be the best person, but the universe (if not UNIVERSAL, those fuckers) owes me these movies. It’s Ka.