Late Night Rant: The Greatest Justice League Unlimited Episode

Grudge Match: The finest the JLU ever had to offer to me at 4 in the morning to inspire a tumblr rant reposted here.

here’s why:

The episodes starts out with some hair pulling between Huntress and Black Canary in Bludhaven(there’s a small cameo appearance from Nightwing if you pay attention). The pair are pretty evenly matched in their lack in the strength department and the altercation kinda fizzles out. The mediocrity of the duo is important for later on in the episode.

Huntress and Black Canary are eventually captured by Roulette (not important) and forced to fight as a team against a brainwashed and set-to-kill Hawkgirl and Vixen. You’re made to feel all impressed that H & BC could take down the more meta meta-humans, and to be honest, they deserve it. It was dope.

With the brainwashing devices destroyed, you, as the viewer, sit back and prepare for what should be the wrap up of what has been a decent episode of JLU. Ladies kick some bad guy ass, Huntress and Black Canary hug it out, everybody feels good….

But then you see Wonder Woman slowly rise up from the ground.

Now, I’ve never been truly impressed with Diana as a character or concept (before the New 52 anyway) but trust me, your mouth just drops. You reflect for a moment on the previous fight and realize that what you were actually watching was a bunch of girls braiding hair and hitting eachother in the ass with pillows. Not unentertaining, but holy fuck, Wonder Woman is going to rock each and everyone of their shits.

The best part is that the other chicks are totally on the same page. They slowly back away before Huntress and Black Canary just peace in a cloud of smoke. They want legit no parts of this shit show, which leaves Hawkgirl and Vixen to get their spines kicked right out of their bodies for a few minutes.

It’s a beautiful thing to watch.

Obviously Black Canary and Huntress run off to do some heroics more at their speed and destroy the mind controlling device the instant before Wonder Woman would have smashed Hawkgirl’s and Vixen’s heads together.

Not that I needed to see her do that, but it should be noted that both heads would have been powder. Better than powder actually. They would have been liquified into grape jelly. That’s right. I’m saying Wonder Woman would have hit them so fucking hard for just an instant their molecular structure would have turned into that of a grape, just so that a moment later they could be grape jelly.

The best best part is, once Wonder Woman comes out of her daze she glares at the heads of Hawkgirl and Vixen and tells them they better explain what happened. She’s holding her bruised and bloodied best friends by the scruff of their necks, but those bitches better explain themselves. 

Perfection.

Kaitlyn D

@deadrabbit92

Staff-writer