Of Lemons and Limes

Let’s cut the bullshit, you guys.

I know we’ve touched on fanfiction and porn here before, but we’ve ignored the elephant in the room for long enough! You know what I’m talking about, that luscious secret same sex pairing you love to read about in the darkest time of night. Those two ladies who just can’t seem to get enough of each other. Those episodes of Torchwood where the pansexual immortal oozes sex appeal and you just know he’s ohsoclose to making your dreams come true. No? How about timeless 80’s couple Clair and Bender from the Breakfast Club? Ever wonder what happened with them the Monday after their Saturday in the supply closet? Sex is nothing scary or taboo and reading, watching, learning about such is nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, I want to let you know you’re not alone. There are thousands upon thousands of us geeky gals and gents who enjoy a good dose of sexual content. Not convinced? Let’s dive into the mass pool of evidence just waiting to be fondled in exploration of what is such a mainstay in media today.

Pretty much.

Fanfiction

Now before you roll your pretty little eyes and say, “Oh, God!”, let’s be honest. Are you gonna sit there and say you’ve never wondered what might have happened between so-and-so off-screen or after the credits? All it takes is a fleeting look between characters for curiosity to be piqued in one would be writer and off the fanfiction.net they go. Fanfiction is just that…fiction made by fans. There are several sub genres and several terms you should be familiar with before diving headfirst into that literary quicksand. G Ratings will give you a nice friendly tale. PG Ratings will give you hesitant feelings, maybe some hand-holding. PG-13 Ratings mean you may see some boobs and a heavy makeout session with some slight petting. R Ratings (or lime) usually present some “adult” situations or much like you did in your teen years: dry humping and/or sex without showing any penetration. NC-17 (or lemon) newbies beware, you’re going to get full on erotica down to the last glistening detail. Yuri/Femmeslash sub texts will tip you off that two ladies will be getting together, either explicitly or not and on that same note, yaoi will tip you off that yes, any males appearing in anything together are going to get involved in some way shape or form. If you’ve thought about it, it’s been written about in fanfiction (see Rule 34). Amidst the numerous tweens inserting ideal versions of themselves in sexual fantasies, there are fantastic writers who write full-scale epics starring characters invented by someone else. In rare cases, these stories are better than the original. Sprinkled among these are sexy times seamlessly woven into well-loved tales.

IF you’re brave enough, check out these stories:

The Breakfast Club “Good Feelings”
A Song of Ice and Fire “The Harlot and the Hound”
Doctor Who “Falling Slowly”

Movies

Nothing to do with what I'm talking about but this picture makes me laugh.

I’ve seen them, you’ve seen them, and I’ll admit I was one of 5 like-minded women at the first showing for Michael Fassbender’s drama Shame just because I knew I would get to see his penis. My lust for Fassbender aside, why is there the need to hide such things from your peers? Several friends admitted to the same reasoning behind their choice to see it but only after much prodding (aside from IHOGeek’s very own Deadrabbit92, who joyously basked in wondrous peen with me) was it woefully clear. Guys, I think you do this a bit less as women tend to get naked a lot quicker in movies than men. Please correct me if I’m mistaken but I feel like I’ve seen roughly a ratio of 6 pairs of boobs to 1 penis. On this same notion, I also feel like I’ve seen roughly 6 lesbian love scenes to 1 gay love scene. Not fair. I enjoy hot dudes kissing each other (and again, I’ll readily admit I hoped Vin Diesel and The Rock would make out in a testosterone fueled fury in Fast Five) as much as I enjoy hot chicks kissing each other, so why is one more prevalent than the other? I’m of the hope that movies like Shame will help tear down stupid taboos like appearing full frontal in movies being a bad thing. There’s ridiculous amount of hoopla surrounding this and same-sex couples in film. Aren’t we past the whole medieval mess? Even in something as raw and open as Shame, the one time Fassbender’s character experiences gay sex is kind of a downer and he seems to have hit rock bottom in his addiction. I think that’s all the gayness I saw in movies last year (with the exception of Black Swan but again, that may or may not have been psychosis). I want more happy gay sex in movies, be it male, female, whatever. Luckily, it’s barely January and I’ve seen Lisbeth Salander slide over males and females alike and you know what? No one batted an eye. That’s more like it America!

Hmmm, how about you go and see one of these two movies? Almost every geek has seen either of these and to me, they showcase how awesome LGBT can be portrayed in movies.

Chasing Amy
The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Television

Luckily, TV is the one place I can turn to right now for a healthy dose of teh gays. My only issue here is: WHERE IS ALL THE KISSING? Kissing is NOT a big deal and it happens all the time between dudes and chicks of all ages, whether or not you give the “signal.” See below.

[youtube:http://youtu.be/z4jbJJpu4ng]
I don’t watch much of current TV but one of my guiltiest pleasures include Glee. Kurt is a favorite character of mine because he embraces everything that he is and is unafraid to do so. Sure, he hesitates in the face of bullying, but he’s human! His dating trials and tribulations have been downright brutal at times but happy was me who got to see his love sprout. Kurt’s cherry popping experience was achingly sweet (unlike Rachel and Finn’s, but ugh on Rachel anyway) but again…where was the kissing!? Luckily, my other guilty pleasure, True Blood, has large amounts of kissing, sex, blood, and homo-erotic story arcs.

Even in something aimed more at adults, like the Game of Thrones, I saw no dudes kissing. There were plenty of boobs and definite homosexuality abound (I’m looking at you, Loras and Renly) but no PDA. This is something I’m going to attribute to American television as British shows seem to have problem showcasing this readily. Case in point: Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood and its star, Captain Jack Harkness. Not only does Jack kiss the fuck out of his boytoy Ianto Jones, BBC takes his character a step further and Jack readily displays his attraction to all things, human or alien. With new shows popping up left and right, it is my sincere hope that characters unafraid to express their lust/love will be celebrated as such and media won’t be focused on their sexual orientation.

Currently you can see amazing examples of romantic tomfoolery in HBO’s Game of Thrones (and its second season Game of Thrones: Clash of Kings), Starz’ Spartacus, Fox’s Glee, and in BBC’s Torchwood.

Video Games

courtesy of Kotaku

Off the top of my head the only character I could think of as a member of the LGBT community is Testament from Guilty Gear and even then, it’s only because I can never decide if Testament is a boy or girl. After Googling this image, I realized sweet, little Birdo had the same problem. Poor little guy just wanted to be pretty in pink! Then as I sat and read this article on Kotaku and read up a bit on themes in Wikipedia, I realize how diverse the characters in video games are compared to movies and television. Not only did I completely forget about my numerous dirty trysts in the slums of Albion with whores and nobles alike, but I also didn’t think about my love triangle with Alistair and Morrigan in Dragon Age. If I dive a little deeper into my gaming history, I think my first brush with sex in video games was Grand Theft Auto III. I killed many a hooker for my money back after several daytime humps in my stolen vehicles, didn’t you? Perhaps you were of a classier ilk and instead had pixelated quickies with your Sim partner or even during your extended hours playing Mass Effect but the point remains the same: you are pervy just like me. Think about the sexual orientation of Zangief or whether Morrigan and Felicia are REALLY lezzie for each other the next time you play Marvel vs. Capcom and let me know what you think.

Books/Comics

Yep. This is what you get from a Twilight sex scene.

Twilight: Don’t groan, you knew it was coming up somewhere! I read all four Twilight books in the hope that something would fill my Harry Potter shaped void and was continually let down through each book. The one thing that kept me going was the thought that surely, Stephenie Meyer would placate her own self inserted vampire lust filled fantasies with a glorious sex scene! Alas, a vague hint of the events and a bright, shiny morning was all that I got. I’m sorry, am I fucking twelve? The old fading to black paragraph is for children. From what I hear, the movie didn’t do it much better.

A Song of Ice and Fire or as some of you know it, The Game of Thrones series: As KillerrQueen put it, this series” ruined any chance of my enjoying another Sci-Fi/Fantasy book for quite a while.” Truer words have naught been spoken! Complex storylines, loves found, loves lost, sex galore, incestual plots, backstabbing, dragons and royalty, these books have it all. I am one of legions waiting for GRRM to drop Winds of Winter and Dance with Dragons left me yearning for more, like one of his well written whores lurking in Flea Bottom.

Finding sexually explicit material in mainstream comics is a little harder. There aren’t many big homosexual/bisexual superheroes in them either, especially in the big two, but they are very much featured in the indies. Marvel has a handful: Northstar, Hulkling, Wiccan, Nico Minoru, Karoline Dean, and a Skrull named Xavin (the last three of which are in the same story). DC doesn’t fare much better with only Batwoman and obscure hero Obsidian coming to mind. Hell, even Archie Comics has their own gay character! Sex scenes themselves however….well those are scattered around if you know where to find them. Take for instance this picture to the left.

No that is not Jean Grey with dubious amounts of stubble as my hubby thought at first glance, it is a manly, earth shattering kiss between Wolverine and Gambit. Stare at it.

It never happened.

It COULD have happened in several continuities long since erased but we’ll never know now, will we?

What does this mean for the casual viewer? This just means you’re going to see more and more of it and guess what? I’m completely at peace with it.

*Note to everyone: There is much more I wanted to include in this article but I felt like it was lengthy enough as is, so it might seem like I skipped over much or forgot to include this. Thanks for reading!