The growing energy demands of the world and our dependence on non-renewable sources is quickly becoming our planet’s greatest problem. With dwindling reserves of oil and coal, science has been doing all it can to harness renewable energy sources to keep up our growing power appetite. We’ve all heard about wind and solar power, but there’s a new contender in town.

Just like solar and wind, we’re harnessing energy that’s already there – the magma sitting below our feet – to turn water to steam and steam to turn turbines that then generate electricity. It’s so simple and yet so effective that to date 70% of Iceland’s power consumption is sourced from geothermal sources. So with all this renewable energy, our planet is looking like it’s in great shape, right?

WRONG.

You’re telling me that a power company is pulling energy out of the earth all so we can watch TV? And nobody sees a problem with this?

So you people just WANT a Sephiroth to rise, don’t you? Well I have news for you. We don’t have time for a spooky motherfucker waving a too-long sword and preaching about his mommy issues wrecking our good time. Taking energy from space or the air or by burning dinosaur bones and plastic bags or whatever coal is made out of was too safe? Just have to go tempting fate by dicking about with the planet, huh?

Meet the man who’s going to kill us all – Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, President of Iceland

Now I’m not saying geothermal energy causes Sephiroths, but I damn well AM saying that it causes an environment in which Sephiroths can flourish! You don’t store your chicken at room temperature on the counter, and you don’t go fucking around with mother earth when we have so many unstable people with access to extrabigassswords.com.

“That would never happen! And even if it did, it’s not like Sephiroth won!”

Yeah, a ragtag band of god damn heroes stopped Sephiroth. Real warriors with names like Cloud, Barrett, and Tifa. But it’s 2015 and if I may say so myself, we’re all looking a bit doughy. Do you know anyone with names that slick sounding? No. We can’t depend on Caleb, Bradley, and Taylor to save the day.

Oh and by the way, did anyone even bother to see Advent Children? Did you see what happened when we hurt the planet too much? IT CREATED AN ENTIRE FUCKING DISEASE FOR THE HUMAN RACE BECAUSE FUCK YOU, I’M THE PLANET AND THIS IS MY LIFESTREAM NOT YOURS.

Basically, we’re all super-fucked and it’s Iceland’s fault.