You haven’t seen this movie? You’re crazy man, you’re crazy.

Hollywood has been responsible for some of the biggest affronts to the art of film making as many NYU film majors. However, it really blows when good movies get bad reputations because they are before their time or under-appreciated by an audience of tasteless slack-jawed yokels. Unfortunately, once a movie gets panned, it’s hard to shake it. I’d like to take this opportunity to clear the long-besmirched name of the cinematic masterpiece that is Waterworld.

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If you haven’t seen Waterworld…well maybe you’re not crazy, but just terribly misinformed. The film after all, was nominated for 4 Razzie awards (though the fact that Dennis-mother-fucking-Hopper actually won for worst-supporting should tell you that something ain’t right).

His character, known only as “Mariner,” was born adapted with gills, webbed digits and (I imagine) fingers that don’t prune. Naturally, this means that all of the doomed members of the human race treat him like a freak and don’t let him play in their reindeer games. Therefore, he lives his life as a drifter on a tricked-out sailboat. Due to an unfortunate turn of events (read: 30 minutes of movie later) he gets saddled with a hot lady and a weird little girl who may just be the key to finding dry land. Obviously, the remaining 400 or so people left on the planet make a beeline for Kevin and his ragtag band and shit starts to get real.

why so serious? oh yeah, they put you in movie jail for 15 years

Now, I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sound like such a bad concept to me. If it sounds ridiculous, then so do most movies we love. This is science fiction; let’s keep that in perspective. The villains are menacing, the lead hero is brooding, and the story is rather original if you ignore the whole Noah’s Ark thing.

For 2 hours, I guarantee you will be completely engrossed in this movie. Know why? For the very reason that the movie gets so much shit. The 175 million that went into the production of this epic was worth every penny. At no point will you ever think that you’re looking at a scene filmed in a giant pool in the back of some producer’s house. How much cgi did this take, you may ask? Not much. They filmed it off the coast of Hawaii and endured hurricanes and all other sorts of Neptune’s wrath to bring you this movie (which features a giant rusting oil tanker as the headquarters for the bad guys).

And how did America repay them? Not badly, actually. Waterworld grossed 80 million dollars domestically and a whole lot more worldwide. Although technically a flop, it still generated a shit ton of money in DVD and VHS sales. Plus, if I had been older than 2 at the time, I defiantly would have seen it in theaters. Therefore, views on Netflix instant should be officially added towards box office growth.

My point is, a hell of a lot of people saw this movie and paid for the privilege because it’s a damn good time If you let the fact that the yammer-bots at VH1 make fun of it in some stupid countdown special or another, you’re crazy man, you’re crazy.

and probably look like this guy (Hopper as Deacon)