You haven’t seen this movie?! You’re Crazy man, You’re crazy.

If you haven’t seen Night Watch, then you are bitch-made.  That’s right, you heard me.  You are a failure at life.  Would you like to remedy this?

First off, I’m sorry.  There was no need for such harsh words.  It could just be you have no taste for awesome things.  You prefer bland, dry cereal and cry yourself to sleep.  I can’t blame you for that, but you know who can?

God.

If you don’t want to burn in hell for eternity, then read this article to save your soul (soul not guaranteed).

Where to start?  How about we brag about the movie and throw some laurels on it first.  K?  Good.

So Night Watch is a Russian book series, but I’m not here to talk books.  Books are for millionaires and smart people, and who wants to be that? Pfffft, who needs money and intelligence when you’ve got… uh…

….

FUCK YEA, MOVIES!

Anyways, Night Watch came out in Russia in 2004 and quickly became the highest grossing Russian film of all time.  It lives up to the hype and here are some reasons why.

1) The main characters name is Anton Gorodetsky (spoken with a very Russian accent).  It sounds really cool when you say his name.  Seriously, after you’ve watched Night Watch you will catch yourself pronouncing his name with a Russian accent just because it sounds so damn cool. ;)

My name is cooler than yours. Deal with it.

2) It seamlessly blends medieval mythology, sci-fi, supernatural elements, and fantasy with a clear and original narrative, fantastic cinematography, visual effects, and all with a certain confidence that just oozes with style.  It treads familiar ground while putting its own twist on it all and you never know what will happen next, but you will watch on the edge of your seat waiting to find out  what it will throw at you.

"Hey handsome, you ever had two guys at once?"

3) Ever wanted to see a bear and a tiger make out while a vampire kidnaps the small boy they were supposed to be watching?  Well now you can!

Pretend this is a picture of a bear and tiger making out and not a picture of OHMYGOD THE CREEPY DOLL HAS SPIDER LEGS!

Anyways, I really want to describe the plot for you, but I feel it could take away from the experience as a whole for you who are uninitiated.  Instead if you click here you can choose to read the Wikipedia plot description.  Or you can just hop on Netflix Instant and get this party started!

Here is a trailer for Night Watch followed by a trailer for its sequel Day Watch.  

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I was just kidding about your soul being eternally damned, but why risk it when so much is on the line.  I’m not trying to be an ass.  Stop and imagine for a second that you pass the opportunity to watch these and you get to heaven and see that God is wearing a Night Watch shirt.  Who’s gonna be the ass then?